This post was supposed to be on Sunday: Hawaii

     My father is a joy to travel with. He's almost as anxious as my mom, who requires us to "check in" at every stop. I almost feel like I should have brought along those extra strength maxi pads that I saw during a commercial break of LOST. Yes, Hulu, this ad is completely relevant to me. I swear, old people and their traveling... This is why we need to invent teleportation! But we need to also make sure we don't allow teleportation of your little chihuahua, Sparky. I heard their tails don't always make it through the flux intron voltrometer.
     Finals week took more out of me than an elephant giving birth. Now, I've never given birth to a baby elephant before, but I've rocked the heck out of a #2. I got my first B! In biology, no less; my intended major. Ironic? Or just destiny? Look people, I'm pretty sure I won't need to know what a trp operon does in order to diagnose someone's stools. "Hmm Jim, looks like you've got a little too much tryptophan in your stools, you might not want to code as many amino acids." Right. Completely essential.
     I'm mixed in my feeling pertaining to the first year of college more than an afternoon at a Dr. Dre recording session. The experiences were great, but looking back, I feel like I could have done so much more. I look at my peers and see all that they've done in merely two semesters and it's astounding. I had the great pleasure of catching up with one friend from a class from the previous semester at the end of this semester and learned of all the amazing stuff she did while I merely sat around. Compared to me, she practically built a homeless shelter in New Guinea. Not like they need it though, those pretentious Europeans (are they European?). I guess I'll just have to go out next semester and slap solar panels on everything in the name of "Going Green". I should call it going black though, since that's what color the panels are, and green implies money, which wouldn't fly for a philanthropic event of the magnitude I have planned.
     So what's the deal with this high fructose corn syrup crap these days? I'm pretty sure it's in everything, and it's the cause of my discomfort on this bajillion hour plane ride to paradise a.k.a. Hawaii. I was tricked into switching into an exit seat, which, big surprise, is smaller and more keen to my Asian math teacher than to my waistband-stretching mid line. Economy plus sucks. We're all turning into corn, end of story.
     I told the flight attendant I'd "do my best" when he asked if I was able to handle the responsibilities of the exit row. He told me I needed to say yes, and "my best" wasn't enough. Damn these are some strict standards.
     I heard an interesting theory on global warming the other day. It said the Earth has been and will be just fine, it's the human race we'll have to worry about. Quite perplexing. I wrote this on the plane and right now I 'm pretty sure my butt is flatter than western Kansas.