The Great Divide

There are mountains, valleys, and rivers. There are doors, locks, and levees. All serve their purpose, mostly boundaries. The boundary I reference is the cosmic divide that stands between myself, and the gorgeous inhabitants of this Earth we call women. Today, I took the first step on the rickety bridge to cross that divide, and it promptly broke and I fell through and now I have a broken ankle. I'll have to call maintenance to get that fixed (i.e. Ben and Jerry's).

Well, there's a girl in my History of African American Images in Film (Team Black) class that is a Hollandic Goddess. I shit you not. Well, she's very cute, and as one of my friends put it, she has the "ethnic flair". Here is the most abominable picturistic representation i could possibly give:

And the caption would read: "I'm from Holland! Isn't that hot?

Look people, my artistic skills aren't the greatest. So, this girl who I had never talked to, only got her name from the sign in sheet because it's the only one that's foreign, I was being coerced (or told to grow a pair) by my classmates/hallmates (we have about 7 of us together in the class from the hall) to ask her out to a rock concert tonight, cold turkey. Horrible idea, I know. You'll be relieved to know I didn't proceed with this course of diabolical destruction. Instead, I was on the verge of "wussing out" when my friend forced me up by the professor where she was sitting in the front row, right after class, positioning me to talk to her. I merely lingered behind him, feeling my genitalia shrink at an exponential rate. Thankfully, God hath rained down a ray of hope and for some ungodly reason, she also went to talk to the professor. This was my chance. I asked her if the name I had sheepishly stolen off of the sign-in sheet was correct, and then asked her about where she was from. Turns out it's Holland, big surprise there, I knew it was where all of the hot chicks resided. I asked her about study abroad and all that good stuff, and we went on our way. No way was I going to merely ask her to a concert upon the first time talking to her, even though I had indeed seen her many times, but she probably had indeed not seen me. It was a win for humanity, and fat people.

On the way out, my so-called "friends" asked me what went down, and I noticed her friend was at the back of the hall waiting for her, texting. Yes, hot chicks do not go without friends. I told them to be quiet because her friend heard everything, and as my luck would have it, her friend was also walking up the stairs right behind us. I have no idea how she could have galavanted so quickly to the stairs, as I was certain she was not trained in the ways of ninja. Anywho, I saw her, and things went deftly quiet in the staircase until I broke the seal with, "What's for dinner?". Smooth like butter. We'll see how that disaster plays out.

I made no-bakes after dinner because the dinner cooks didn't make their dessert. It's fine, I didn't really feel/like mediocre cherry cheesecake made by half-ass cooks anyway. No-bakes are a round, oaty ball of chocolate and peanut butter sex.

I went to the gym today with my black friend Tosin. I say black friend not to accentuate the fact that he's black and badass, but because the acronym can be shortened to BFT, which can mean a lot of things. Big f-ing ta-ta's is one. Busy Freaks in Transit is another. When we were approaching the building, we saw the strangest thing. There was a guy who was peering over toward the parking lot and staring at every car, which were like 40 feet away from him. If he was trying to examine the paint scratches on each car, he was doing a terrible job of it. Anyway, he also looked like he was trying to double as a spy that was trying to evade someone. He was terrible for a number of reasons.

1. He almost walked in to a shrub. It specifically states in the spy notebook that if you are going to be an effective spy, you cannot go careening into shrubs. That will most surely destroy the universe.

2. He was walking towards a gym. This is obviously an utterly stupid place to try and be avoiding someone. With all of the great and succulent tail that exits and enters that building, it'd be stupid to think that everyone's eyes aren't on red alert.

3. He looked like Indiana Jones. Stupid, I know. I just wish I could have delivered that message to him.

So anyway, he took a path that looked something like this:

Stupid, right?

My roommate is so badass, but I'll save that for another post. I'll leave you with this bit of glory: What would you say to a person that bought a desk chair 2 weeks before finals? You'd say he's a God and possibly the holy trinity for having such foresight and not waiting till the next semester? Ha, stop, you're being too kind.