Oh Boy

Oh boy was it a gas out in paradise. So much unattainable tail, a regular ol' hootenanny thanks to some Iowans at a Luau, and some kayaking up a river with a tour guide named Candida. Hot sausage on a Sunday morning! Isn't that a sight? Didn't think so, I didn't show you anything.
     I realized that flourless cake is something indeed compared to the island's mystery on LOST. It is indeed, decadent and delicious, and should be included in all meals, including breakfast. I also learned something else on this trip. It seems that the "finer" fine dining gets, and the more expensive it is, it seems like you get less and the chefs don't do as much work. The steak is rare, the fish is uncooked. The portions are akin to something that you might feed to your teething toddler for a snack, not even close to attaining meal-hood.

Fine Dining

     

     How the hell am I supposed to survive on that? The answer is, you're not. You're supposed to support this "fine and exotic" dish with it's cohorts in compilation, the Appetizer and the Dessert, both masters of their trade. This is why even after all of this grand eating experience, I still want to stop down the street and pork down a basket of waffle fries and a double BBQ hickory bacon dee-lux burger.

     I have to look for a job tomorrow. I don't want to look for a job, I wish a job would look for me. But, if I want to keep fueling my ruthless cabbage patch doll addiction, I'll have to find some form of income. Take care now. 

This post was supposed to be on Sunday: Hawaii

     My father is a joy to travel with. He's almost as anxious as my mom, who requires us to "check in" at every stop. I almost feel like I should have brought along those extra strength maxi pads that I saw during a commercial break of LOST. Yes, Hulu, this ad is completely relevant to me. I swear, old people and their traveling... This is why we need to invent teleportation! But we need to also make sure we don't allow teleportation of your little chihuahua, Sparky. I heard their tails don't always make it through the flux intron voltrometer.
     Finals week took more out of me than an elephant giving birth. Now, I've never given birth to a baby elephant before, but I've rocked the heck out of a #2. I got my first B! In biology, no less; my intended major. Ironic? Or just destiny? Look people, I'm pretty sure I won't need to know what a trp operon does in order to diagnose someone's stools. "Hmm Jim, looks like you've got a little too much tryptophan in your stools, you might not want to code as many amino acids." Right. Completely essential.
     I'm mixed in my feeling pertaining to the first year of college more than an afternoon at a Dr. Dre recording session. The experiences were great, but looking back, I feel like I could have done so much more. I look at my peers and see all that they've done in merely two semesters and it's astounding. I had the great pleasure of catching up with one friend from a class from the previous semester at the end of this semester and learned of all the amazing stuff she did while I merely sat around. Compared to me, she practically built a homeless shelter in New Guinea. Not like they need it though, those pretentious Europeans (are they European?). I guess I'll just have to go out next semester and slap solar panels on everything in the name of "Going Green". I should call it going black though, since that's what color the panels are, and green implies money, which wouldn't fly for a philanthropic event of the magnitude I have planned.
     So what's the deal with this high fructose corn syrup crap these days? I'm pretty sure it's in everything, and it's the cause of my discomfort on this bajillion hour plane ride to paradise a.k.a. Hawaii. I was tricked into switching into an exit seat, which, big surprise, is smaller and more keen to my Asian math teacher than to my waistband-stretching mid line. Economy plus sucks. We're all turning into corn, end of story.
     I told the flight attendant I'd "do my best" when he asked if I was able to handle the responsibilities of the exit row. He told me I needed to say yes, and "my best" wasn't enough. Damn these are some strict standards.
     I heard an interesting theory on global warming the other day. It said the Earth has been and will be just fine, it's the human race we'll have to worry about. Quite perplexing. I wrote this on the plane and right now I 'm pretty sure my butt is flatter than western Kansas.

Cyclic AMP

Lord Jesus, thank ye for bringing thy grace down upon my befallen mother. I know she hath taken a near eternity to relinquish two destitute computers from her grasp, and commit them to the world of IT where they can be made knew. Forgive her, for it is not her fault for straying off of the path of silicon. Bless her, bless those two macs, and forgive us our viruses.
In regular people's speak, my mom finally took our two shitty Macbook Pros in to get their power ports replaced! Ooh, sounds dirty don't you think? I'll write her a virus (wink face).
The past week or two, we've been enjoying the spoils of the projector I took from home, and viewing a picture show out on the front lawn every thursday eventide (my word for evening). I'm getting bold this week, ditching the inhaler, and going over to invite Kappa Sorority house to our mundane event. Sure, it doesn't have mass quantities of alcohol or smoking hot men decked out in douche capes (See picture below)

Joel McHale art a genius in coining that term.

But at least we are kind, genuine, and sincere, and have just as equal intentions as all of those "bros" but just not in such an obvious way. I mean, if I were a smoking hot sorority girl, why wouldn't I want to come to an event with a poster as fucking sweet as this:

I rest my case. For all of you out there wondering who I could possibly referring to as "we", how a person so utterly weird could possibly contrive friendships, I reply that I live in a scholarship hall. I equate it to a frat, but we're just not douchebags. Pretty cool, right? Even more, I live in the coolest of the Schol Halls, so that kind of makes us king of the nerds or something. All hail the motherboard!

Enough of this debauchery. I found out yesterday that I am going to Hawaii in two weeks! I was also less than a millisecond later reminded that I am in nowhere near the shape that I want to be for this grand adventure. Does anyone know of a crash course to lose 30 pounds in two weeks? Has anyone tried dying for a short while and then coming back to life? I wonder if that would produce more weight loss than just exercising. I should probably make a pro/ cons list:

Pro: Lose weight, be like Jesus

Con: Dead, slight chance I might not be the second coming of Jesus.

I'll have to weigh my options on that one. Anywho, I'm excited to go, to travel, to relax, and to be stuck on the most beautiful rock in the middle of nowhere.

My biology class that I should have been paying attention to is ending, guess my time is up for now.